‘IT IS GENERALLY AN UNCONSCIOUS ESCAPIST ATTEMPT TO COMPENSATE FOR THE ABSENCE OF SELF-APPRECIATION' This is also a contradiction of love, but on a lesser level than the first, possessive type of love. It’s hard to see when she’s in it, but once she gets the courage to leave then we always hear “what was I thinking? Why did I stay so long?” She fears what will happen if she ever left, so she puts up with it.
Then from her side, she stays in the relationship because she’s become addicted to being controlled. Think of the male who needs to control and know everything about his partner - where she is, where she’s going, where she’s been, who she sees, he checks her phone to see who she’s been messaging, he verbally abuses her and all her happiness and enjoyment must revolve around him. These relationships are far too common today. ‘THIS IS ROOTED IN THE EXPERIENCE OF POWERLESSNESS AND EXPRESSES ITSELF AS AN ADDICTION TO CONTROL OR BEING CONTROLLED’ He buys her things and says he loves her, but she’s merely a possession to him. We see this in the example of a Man and his ‘trophy wife’. This type of ‘love’ turns the pure, selfless act into a selfish and manipulative feeding of the ego. It’s the objectifying of people and things, think the Male chauvinist. Be it money, material possessions or a partner. It’s the eternal quest for ‘things’ that we ‘must’ have. In the Tao they say that this is the lowest form of love, so much so it’s not really love at all. ‘THAT IS, LOVING AN OBJECT BECAUSE WE ARE CAPABLE OF POSSESSING IT, OR AT LEAST BELIEVING WE POSSESS IT’ The last 2 are healthy expressions of it. The first 3 are ‘pathological contradictions’ of Love. His wisdom definitely stands the test of time, none more so than the 5 types of love. Thus character is cultivated.It’s been over 2,500 years since Lao Tzu was around. For tranquillity keeps the words that come out of the mouth from exceeding proper measure, and keeps the food that goes into the mouth from exceeding its proper measure. Both kinds of movement can be modified by tranquillity. Eating and drinking are movements from without inward. Words are a movement going from within outward. The superior man takes it as a pattern for the nourishment and cultivation of his character.
This is an image of providing nourishment through movement and tranquillity. "He brings to perfection in the sign of Keeping Still": thus in the early spring, when the seeds fall to earth, all things are made ready.
"God comes forth in the sign of the Arousing": when in the spring the life forces stir again, all things come into being anew. Thus the superior man is careful of his words He who cultivates the superior parts of his nature is a superior man. He who cultivates the inferior parts of his nature is an inferior man. We must not injure important parts for the sake of the unimportant, nor must we injure the superior parts for the sake of the inferior. The body has superior and inferior, important and unimportant parts. Mencius says about this:If we wish to know whether anyone is superior or not, we need only observe what part of his being he regards as especially important. The great man fosters and takes care of superior men, in order to take care of all men through them. If we wish to know what anyone is like, we have only to observe on whom he bestows his care and what sides of his own nature he cultivates and nourishes.
In bestowing care and nourishment, it is important that the right people should be taken care of and that we should attend to our own nourishment in the right way.
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